You dropped your smile
I was walking down Main Street at Magic Kingdom when a Disney cast member came up to me and said, “I think you dropped something.” I was frantically looking all around, like what could I have dropped? Then she proceeds to tell me, “you dropped your smile.”
That joke has stuck with me for way too many years. However, it always comes back around reminding me to smile more. If you read my moon face post, or have experienced it yourself, you know how detrimental steroids can be. I hated the way I looked. Simply because I looked nothing like myself. I was unrecognizable.
Smile Like You Mean It
I regret letting that stupid drug take my dignity away from me. Sure, it was easy to cover my face in a mask. Wear my hair down, so no one could see my ever growing neck hump. Looking back now, why did I even do that?! Who did I care enough for to have to hide what was happening to me? Who was I worried was going to judge me for something out of my control? Something I was trying to do to heal my body. To be healthier and stronger for my child.
I’m so upset I missed out on so many opportunities because of my moon face. Now, I’m not talking about hanging out with friends or going to events. I’m talking about pictures I was too embarrassed to take because I couldn’t stand to see the person in them. Picture opportunities with my daughter that I’ll now never get back. I hardly have any pictures with Renée, especially in the later days because I was too embarrassed of what I had become. Too embarrassed to be her mom. No other moms looked like me.
A Picture Is Really Worth A Thousand Words…And Memories
I’m at the age where everyone is having children and posting pictures of their pride and joy. As they rightfully should be. Shoot, I have about 5,000 pictures and videos of Renée on my phone.
The ABSOLUTE hardest part was to see beautiful, glowing mothers making memories with their children. I was so jealous. Here these moms were with a perfectly healthy child, glowing from all of the love and joy (and hormones). I on the other had was growing larger, having terrible breakouts, and feeling sorry for myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for the time I had with Renée and the bond I had with her. She is my whole life, heart, and soul. Words would never be able to describe my love for her, and I would do ANYTHING just to hold her tiny hand again.
I’m here to remind you to learn from my mistakes. Take the picture. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Smile for the camera. You never know what life will bring, and those photos may be the closest and only thing you have to hold on to.
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